i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
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