and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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