having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
