Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Everything about him screamed your future.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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