Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
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