Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
