you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
