You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
