i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize