You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
