Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
