And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize