Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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