a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
