my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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