Is it because I queefed?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
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