My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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