Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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