This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Randomize
