Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
We need to feng shui this bitch.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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