yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
