Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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