dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
