So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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