I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
