How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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