I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
