You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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