I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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