And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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