pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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