Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
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