Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
i will never coherently bang her
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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