i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Randomize
