i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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