i just wanna soil my oats bro
dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
