I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
You took a bar mat shot.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
