Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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