OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
