TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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