if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
