You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
