capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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