Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
