OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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