You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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