I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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