Your tits are I can't wait for
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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