i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
