if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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