I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
People in love make me want to vomit
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
