like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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