good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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