He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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