I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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