the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
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