i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize