does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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