Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
