Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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