he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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