Just cropdusted the office
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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